Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Divorce a Spiritual Operation?
Question:
What is the Jewish view of divorce? If souls are united under the Chuppah, can they then split apart?
Answer:
When a couple gets married in a Jewish wedding ceremony, their souls become one. It is like a spiritual operation, that takes two separate beings, and fuses them into a new whole.
The Jewish divorce ceremony, is the reverse of this. It is a spiritual amputation, severing one part of the united soul, from the other; leaving two separate beings.
Divorce, like an amputation, is a tragedy; but sometimes, it's the right thing to do. Our attitude to divorce, parallels our attitude to the amputation of a limb in several ways:
It is painful.
When a limb becomes so diseased, that it endangers the rest of the body, the patient is faced with a horrible choice: face the pain of amputation; or risk worse suffering, by leaving things as they are. If the future risks are high enough, to clearly outweigh the present pain, the right thing to do, is cut off the limb.
Similarly, divorce is painful for all involved; but it is the right choice, if remaining in an unhealthy relationship, will only cause more damage, suffering, and heartache.
It is a last resort.
__________
We do everything possible to avoid needing to amputate. If there is a remote chance, that the limb can be salvaged, even with great effort and expense, it is worth a try.
Only after exhausting all other possibilities, would we resort to amputation.
The same is true of divorce--it is only considered, after counseling, and sincere efforts to change, prove fruitless.
It is not just a "Plan B".
_________
Amputation is not taken lightly. It is not seen as an option, if things don't work out. No one would recklessly experiment on their body, saying ,"If anything happens to my limbs, I can always amputate."
Similarly, we don't enter marriage saying, "If things don't work out, we can always get a divorce." Divorce should not be a factor, in the decision to get married. Marriage is forever, there is no Plan B.
Prevention is better, than a cure. Amputees can live a happy and fulfilled life. They may be far better off after their operation, than before. But if they could live life over again, they wouldn't choose to go down that path a second time.
So too divorce, it may sometimes lead to happiness; and true love and contentment, may come after the dissolution of a relationship. But if we can reach that point, without the pain of divorce, surely that would be preferable.
________
Often when a couple splits up, the question is not, "Why did they get divorced?", but rather, "Why did they ever get married in the first place?" In many cases, people are getting divorced for the right reasons, and married for the wrong reasons.
High divorce rates, should not scare us away from getting married, but rather, strengthen our resolve to take marriage seriously, and ensure, that we are choosing our partners, for the right reasons.
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